why bother / it's gonna hurt me

listening to : “get happy!!” elvis costello & the attractions

i don’t feel like doing anything. i’m in a funny sort of slump. this is bad, right? i shouldn’t be letting this happen. i can’t help it. i am trying to give my heart to someone who has tendencies of accidental cruelty. she doesn’t mean to hurt me at all but the wounds still slay me.

we’re both not very emotionally healthy people. i love how wonderful zuey makes me feel but that is supplemented by the extreme lows she leaves me with. i’m too temperamental for how unattached she is.

what am i supposed to do? why can’t things be more reasonable? everything is so confusing and when it’s not something new comes along to complecate things. can this work? what am i supposed to feel... supposed to do?

i can’t concentrait on work. i am not moving ahead but lingering in my sorrows. it’ll probably pass and when we talk things will be ok again. but the wait for the next talk is hard. i must be crazy. everything hurts.


the beatles
“something”
something in the way she moves
attracts me like no other lover
something in the way she woos me
i don't want to leave her now
you know i believe her now
somewhere in her smile she knows
that i don't need no other lover
something in her style that shows me
don't want to leave her now
you know i believe her now
you're asking me will my love grow
i don't know, i don't know
you stick around now it may show
i don't know, i don't know
something in the way she knows
and all i have to do is think of her
something in the things she shows me
don't want to leave her now
you know i believe her now